| alright lets get the tedious stuff over with first. i wont bore you with the details (mostly because i myself would rather forget) but intake for
friday - abt 1100 cals and then a whooole bunch of alcohol. (4 shooters probably packed w/ calories, 2 tequila shots, 2 beers, a long island iced tea, 1/2 margarita & maybe more, i dont quite remember) who knows how many calories that came to. i got far too drunk but had a lot of fun so i'll let it slide.
saturday - came too close to 1700. this included a whole bunch of sushi, chicken noodle soup, and 2 chocolate bars among a few less memorable items
today so far
b- nothing
l- huge bowl of cereal w/ skim milk (300), baked lays (120), vitamins
d- tba
in conclusion, im huge. i feel huge anyway. perception is a bitch. in other news, MY BOYFRIENDS COMING HOME!! for good this time! (well it looks like until april/may) im so happy. ive hated having a relationship like this (him gone for two weeks at a time) - it did a number on how i feel about myself as a person. ive always thought that relationships shouldnt get too.. i dont know.. all or nothing? but with the situation the past 4/5 months, its like when hes here i feel like i need to spend all the time i possibly can with him because he'll be gone soon, and when hes gone im all depressed and antisocial for a week which leaves me one week a month to be normal and be with my friends. id much rather have a situation where i can exercise at least a little control over the balance of my boyfriend and my friends. hes coming home any day now.. maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe tuesday. its got my on the edge of my seat. i hope hes here for thanksgiving (which is tomorrow, canadian thanksgiving is in october) because god only knows im thankful for him. what i am NOT thankful for however, is the looming knowledge that i will binge tomorrow. maybe not binge, but i will not restrict. which says alot about my character. i am week and do not even consider restricting through thanksgiving because my love for turkey and pumpkin pie are much stronger than my love of thinness. (not that i would know - ive never in my life been anything close to thin, and im almost 20!). it just shows that i am weak, but it doesnt have to be disasterous. i can still have some control. im going to keep my calories under 1600 (i know its a lot, but probably not enough for me to gain any real weight from) and then on tuesday ill go back to keeping it under 1000 (hopefully lower) okay i think ive bored you enough with my incoherent ramblings. i hope all you other canadians out there have a good thanksgiving, and to the rest, i wish you a wonderful rest of the weekend. i will be back, you havent heard the last of me. :)
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